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Unwarranted Ageism?

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January 14, 2006

older younger
image courtesy of mature vs young
Surely there are portions of the population who look down on relationships that span many years in terms of the ages of the people involved. I think it is more accepted for an older man to take on a younger woman than it is vice versa. I have a friend who recently became involved with a much older woman and his friends all but abandoned him because of his unconventional relationship. It got me wondering about this apparent unequalled acceptance.

I guess some of his friends thought that he was being a submissive in the relationship because the older woman was more experienced and naturally took a more aggressive role than a virginal princess would have done. But it’s quite accepted for a much older and seasoned man to take hold of a innocent girl and show her the ways of a relationship. I wonder why it’s so dangerous to think that a woman can indeed teach a man a few things about sex. In actuality most women would probably love it if their lovers had some prior instruction before they start humping away in search of their own orgasm. Whatever the opinion, I’m just happy my friend has found a supportive relationship with a woman who seems to really care about him, regardless of their age difference.

Posted by rabbit at January 14, 2006 1:18 AM

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Interesting thread about ageism.

I have had some experience on this and have friends I grew up with who did the same. I expect there may be a regional prospective on this, as it's fairly common in Toronto for the younger of both sexes to be getting it on "casually" with people 10, 15 and even 20 years their senior.... I also found that serious or long term relationships(that lead to marriage) with older counterparts is a phase that took place in Toronto some 15-20 years ago. In comparison to today where is seems to be more about an accepted "inclusion" of a wider age group for both sexes into the "PLAYING FEILD".

This could be a reflection of the trend for people waiting until later in life(mid 30's to 40) to settle down and marry making for a wider general availability of "players" in the playing feild.

As for your observation of how friends seem to be reacting to these expanded realms of relationship makes me think of some old Froidian prespectives.
Meaning: The old school mentality seems to share the view that an older man attracting and bedding a younger play-mate is a sign of his continued verility. Whereas when the rolls are reversed (Cougar vs Fresh Meat - lol - couldn't resist), the "point" of this relationship seems to be viewed as being a younger mans need to "DO Mommy"!

Personally I don't agree. But experiencing older women has tought me a profound lesson.
I've had younger(10 & 15 years my junior) and more experienced(15 & 22 years older) and it has proven to me that by far the hottest sex I've ever had in every case has been with ladies who were within 3 to 5 years of my own age(both younger and older)
Perhaps it has more to do with "like experiences and compatibility". (ie) Like the same music, hobbies, personal interests etc...

P.S.>> I like the current sexual openess and freedom to play across the ages these days. I find people are allowing themselves more freedom with less associated guilt, and that can only be a good thing.

If frineds have a problem with it, I would suggest that it's either due to their own limited sexual experiences, or just plain age-old jealosy.

P.S.S.>>> Funny...I would have thought Montreal would have been far less inhibitied by ageism in their sexuality... At least it was in my experience!

Love your site!

Posted by: LM at January 20, 2006 7:20 PM

I can attest to Montreal and the whole urban area up here being really open about ageism in romantic and sexual relationships. I'm a 20 year old female and I'm currently involved with a 47 year old male (and we have a wonderful, open, enriching relationship together), and I'm hardly alone. One of his friends--roughly the same age--is dating a woman who is 23. Then again, it is a very open city in terms of everything: gender, race, age, et cetera. But you see age gap couples often enough. Just though I'd help clarify by commenting. Thanks!

Posted by: MPP at June 11, 2007 6:03 PM

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