Sperm Santa Told to Stop Giving His Gifts

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December 22, 2011

Sperm Santa
Image courtesy of TorontoStar.com.

Given that this will be my last post of 2011 I figured a nice grab-bag of stories would be a fun way to end the year. So what I have for you all are four very different stories that came across my desk this week. We got some free sperm, some art, a little cannibalism and a pen.

Stop Giving Away Your Sperm!

That is basically what the state of California is saying to Trent Arsenault. Trent is a 36-year-old single man who, through advertising on the internet, donates his sperm to women who use it for insemination purposes. So far he has made over 328 donations to at least 46 women and there have been 14 births as a result.

This Sperm Santa (I didn't see him called that anywhere, but I'm hoping it catches on) is a very religious man and he sees what he does as acts of compassion for women and couples who can't get pregnant, but who also can't afford the high sperm-bank prices, which can range from $425 to $600 or more per insemination.

The state claims that sperm-bank donors are put through full FDA-approved tests and that the sperm banks offer strong legal protection to clients. Trent, on the other hand, gets himself screened every six months and signs forms waiving his parental rights. But that is obviously not enough, as the FDA visited him a little while back and delivered a cease-and-desist order.

The funny thing to me is that as far as I can tell if Mr. Arsenault would just fuck the women rather than giving them a load in a sterile plastic container, there would be nothing the state could do about it. Sure, it might be weird for the women's husbands and partners, but they can just watch "The Big Chill" while it's happening and everything should be fine.

Steal Banksy

In 2005, internationally known (but never seen) guerrilla/street artist Banksy placed his subversive art pieces in the MoMa, the Brooklyn Museum, the American Museum of Natural History in New York and the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

Today, putting a little twist on that 2005 prank, the Art Series Hotels based in Melbourne, Australia, aren't asking you to put Banksy's art in their hotels; they are asking you to steal it! The chain has put an original Banksy on its walls somewhere in one of its three hotels (guests won't know which hotel it is in at any given time), and if you can steal it then it is yours. Guests will get a promo rate and a new chance at the heist for every night booked.

How frickin' cool is that? It might be the best promotion I have ever heard of! How many of us have watched heist movies and TV shows and wondered if we could do that. If we could create a plan and pull it off. Well, now you can try for real, with no repercussions. If I was in Melbourne, there is no way I wouldn't be spending a few nights at these hotels. The "Steal Banksy" game runs through January 15, 2012.

Eat Me. Literally!

The video below pretty much says it all, but here's the deal with this one. Two Dutch TV presenters on a show called "Guinea Pigs" have gone and eaten each other's flesh on TV. Dennis Storm had some flesh removed from his ass and Valerio Zeno had a chunk of muscle taken from his abdomen. Watch it get fried up and then watch them sit down to a candle-lit tasting.

A 25-Year-Old Pen Still Works

While that is maybe a little surprising, the fact that a pen is still functioning after 25 years probably isn't going to make anyone say, "Wow!" But what if I told you that it had spent those last 25 years inside a woman's stomach? Yeah, that's what I thought.

The women is now 76 years old and 25 years ago she accidentally swallowed the pen when she slipped and fell while "interrogating a spot on her tonsil," to quote an article about the incident. She told her doctor and her husband at the time, but the X-ray done back then looked normal and they didn't believe her. They recently removed the pen and it still worked. The doctor that removed it used it to write "HELLO."

I told this story to the office and here are the best (although not always good) lines I got back:

"I guess it isn't true what they say about the pen being mightier than the sword. You think she would have lasted 25 years with a sword in her stomach?"

"So do you think that spot on her tonsil was actually a pen mark?"

"You know how there is never a pen around when you need one?"

"Did she try swallowing a spider to get it?"

"Is she related to Michel Lotito?" (Look him up.)

"Guess they didn't see the writing on the stomach wall."

"Her husband didn't believe her because she never swallowed."

"That's why you should always chew your pen 32 times."

"The pen-swallowing incident was so traumatic that her husband had to wear a donut around his cock."

And on those kind-of-funny notes I shall wish you all a Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year. See you in 2012!


Posted by A.K. Anderson at December 22, 2011 6:30 AM

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