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Pissed Off Coworkers Discover IT Guy Urinating On Their Chairs

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April 4, 2012

IT Guy Urinating On Their Chairs
Image courtesy of Inquistr.com.

Last night I was at home having an after-dinner espresso and watching TV. Everything was good until I felt the urge to urinate. I was sitting on my couch, not more than 10 feet from my bathroom (obviously, I wasn't one of the three Mega Millions winners), but I didn't want to go.

It's always the same thing. I have to pee, I go to the bathroom. It has gotten so routine and boring. I mean, when I watch TV I don't always sit on the same side of the couch or even on my couch at all. When I eat I sometimes sit in front of the TV, other times I sit at my table and I have even been known to chow down in bed on certain occasions.

And speaking of chowing down, I have had sex pretty much everywhere in my apartment where it is physically possible to do so. But when it comes to urinating it is always the same: go to the bathroom, lift the seat, pee, flush. And to answer your question: Yes, I do actually lift the seat almost every time, even when there is no girl around.

Anyway, so I am sitting there disillusioned with the monotony of peeing possibilities when all of a sudden it hits me. What if I walked over to the office and pissed on the chairs of my coworkers? It was a great idea. I was going to be famous. Heralded as a genius who changed the way we thought about urinating. I would be the Steve Jobs of pissing patterns!

But those grand dreams all came crashing down around me (like the buildings in Inception) when, while I was getting my shoes on to head over to the office, I read about Raymond Foley.

In October 2011, Raymond Foley was a simple 59-year-old information technology consultant at the Iowa Farm Bureau when he had his flash-of-genius moment, seven months before I had mine. And while many people don't have the drive and ambition to follow through on their ideas, Raymond put his into action immediately.

And unlike my vague idea of going to the office with no real plan and just pissing on everyone's chairs, Raymond took his idea to the next level. Using his access to the company's computers he looked up employee photos in the database, picked out the good-looking women and on off-hours went into work and pissed on only those chairs. Brilliant! It makes my idea look almost philistine in comparison.

Eventually the office installed security cameras and Mr. Foley was arrested and charged with criminal mischief. I know. I couldn't believe it either! But, then again, we all know that true genius is seldom recognized in its day. Stay strong Raymond Foley and just so you know you are not alone, here are some websites with women who do appreciate non-toilet urinating (unlike those stuck-up ladies you used to work with): Pissing Outdoor, Pissing TV.

Finally, while not everyone is yet capable of appreciating Mr. Foley's forward-thinking, we can all appreciate a good pole dance on a New York sidewalk, even the resident of the stroller in the front row. Check it out!

Posted by A.K. Anderson at April 4, 2012 1:01 AM

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