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Old People Stories: The Quick Aging, Bad Driving, Birthday Stripper, Long Distance Running Edition

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October 21, 2011

Old People StoriesOld People Stories

Image courtesy of DailyMail.co.uk.

As this week's blog was in development, a theme began to emerge among the stories I wanted to discuss and share: old people!

Don't worry. This isn't going to be a piece about the state of Social Security and its viability going forward. Instead, I have other stories that I thought you might find interesting. So sit down, turn off your VHS "Matlock" episodes, pour yourself a nice warm glass of Metamucil and let us begin.

The Curious Case of Nguyen Thi Phuong Button

If you were looking at the image accompanying this blog and wondering what that young girl and that old lady had to do with each other, well, the answer is everything. And by that I mean they are the same person: Nguyen Thi Phuong. But stick with me, here. The photos were taken five years apart. Wait, there's more! The picture on the left was taken on Nguyen's wedding day when she was 21. I'll give you a second to do the math. Yup, that means that "old lady" in the picture is 26-years-old!

In 2008, at the age of 23, Nguyen had a very strong allergic reaction to seafood and within a couple of days the skin all over her body and face was wrinkled and sagging, making her look 50 years older. For all you superficial cynics out there who don't believe that true love still exists, her husband says that his love for her hasn't faded.

On a side note, she says that she now always wears a mask when she goes out in public to hide her appearance from prying eyes. But why? She just looks like a 76-year-old lady, not a young girl who looks old. What are people staring at? I mean, it's not like she's taking the cops on a 10 MPH car chase like Caroline Turner did.

Why Miss Daisy Needed Someone to Drive Her

Everyone has heard the jokes about how old people can't drive. Well, 76-year-old Caroline Turner lived up to the stereotype when she drove the wrong way around a roundabout and then entered a dual carriageway. (If you aren't from the UK, you might not know what all that means. Just know that it is something you shouldn't do.)

She then refused to pull over even after the cops had turned on their flashing lights. The car chase continued for 27 miles and the top speed never went over 20 MPH. It eventually ended - and this is the part that makes the story so awesome - when a cop got out of his car, ran alongside Turner's car, tapped on her window and told her to pull over.

In the end, Turner was banned from driving for a year and fined 100 pounds. After all that, I bet she would have preferred to stay home and spend that money on a stripper, like this woman did for her 100th birthday.

100-year-old Man Could Chase Kids Off His Lawn for 26 Miles

For our last old-people story, here is one to make all us "not old people" feel like total underachievers.

Fauja Singh is a 100-year-old man and last weekend he completed the Toronto Waterfront Marathon in 8 hours, 25 minutes and 17 seconds. Singh, also known as "The Turbaned Tornado" now holds the Guinness World Record for his feat. This was his 10th marathon.

What did you do last weekend?

Well, if that last story didn't make you want to get off the couch and be active this weekend, but the other stories have put you in the mood for some old-lady porn, here is some to look at: Granny Channel, 60 Plus MILFs, Mature, and Lusty Grandmas.

Posted by A.K. Anderson at October 21, 2011 1:01 AM

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