Ogling

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March 10, 2006

A picture tells a thousand words

Women are suave. They are subtle, appreciative of the sights in front of them and never give away their sexual interest when looking at men or women. At least most don't. In fact, girls are experts at looking at tits, asses, and even the hypnotic swinging pendulum of male joggers, and guys barely notice their gazing.

Men are not so subtle. Like most men (including my father whom I once thought beyond this) my boyfriend is famous for the ogle. While driving he rubber necks past Catholic schools and his tongue practically pants like a dog when we're getting something from the deli girl. If it wasn't so obvious it would almost be charming, but men just don't seem to have finesse when looking at attractive women. At one point I told him he looked like a dork. He protested saying "no one notices but you." No matter how many times I pointed out his ridiculous dumbfounded look he wouldn't believe me.

Last summer we went on vacation to Canada's East Coast. I was taking a photo of him at midnight on the Halifax boardwalk. A couple of sexy girls in tight mini-skirts and revealing blouses happened to pass. They were hot, and then that doe-eyed glaze washed over his face and I began to chuckle. I didn't have to snap the picture as his eyes followed their taut asses, but I wanted to prove my long held point that he looked like an idiot. I took the photo and thanks to digital, called it up right away. I almost pissed my pants! I mean I always knew how dumb his ogle face looked, but I'd never seen it captured so perfectly in a still shot. He couldn't understand my hysterical laughter.

"Remember how you always tell me how subtle you are when looking at girls?" I tried to say through tears. "Well, take a peek."

I handed him the camera and a look of terror replaced the dreamland glaze in his eyes. "Why would you take that picture?! I DO NOT look like that!" He tried desperately to deny it as he hurriedly erased the photo from the camera and his memory, but the truth had already stared him in the face.

The angrier he got, the more I couldn’t stop killing myself until finally he laughed, too. "Fuck, I don't really look like that, do I?"

"Every time," I told him.

In the end, I implore guys to listen to their girlfriends when they say that your ogling face is not your most attractive. After that, sit back, watch her and jot down some notes from an ogling expert. ;)

Posted by sloth at March 10, 2006 4:00 AM

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