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Japan Stories: The Penis Eating and Tracksuits Edition

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May 30, 2012

Which One Gives The Best Blow Job?
Image courtesy of RedAlertLive.com.

I'm no psychic. And while I would never claim to be able to guess what you had for dinner a couple weeks ago, I am pretty sure I can say what you didn't eat within that time frame... Human penis! That is unless of course, you are one of the five people in Japan who recently did exactly that. No, I am not joking.

Mao Sugiyama was born a man, but describes himself as "asexual." Actually, he doesn't identify as either male or female, so I probably shouldn't have said "himself" before. But regardless, the point is that he recently had his genitals removed voluntarily and, being a performance artist and chef, it just made sense to throw a party and serve up the bait and tackle for dinner.

Almost 70 people showed up for the feast, but only five paid the $250 for the penis dinner - the rest of the people were served beef and crocodile. Sugiyama didn't just provide the penis, either. He was also the one who prepared and served the genitals. I have to say that, rather ironically, being able to do that takes balls (yes, I am very proud of that joke!).

From an asexual Japanese chef/performance artist serving up their penis, we move on to reasons Japanese women are likely to divorce their husbands (I know, not my best segue way).

A recent survey of Japanese women came up with the top 20 reasons why they would be likely to divorce their husbands and the top three aren't a big surprise: cheating, boozing and spending too much. Where things get a little surprising is when we hit #4: spending too much time playing video games.

The fact that this one is on the list isn't what might surprise you. But rather what might be surprising is what it outranks in importance, like # 7: when he stops talking, #10: when he forbids my hobbies, #13: when he is too casual about parenting, #15: when his earnings are not so good and, my favorite, #20: when he spends all his time in a tracksuit. So, to all you married Japanese men out there, asking yourselves how to make your marriage last...

First off, before you read the rest of this, throw on your tracksuit and get comfortable. Now, you don't have to talk to your wife, except to tell her to stop spending time on her hobbies, of course. And don't worry if you get demoted at work and are making less money, there are more important things. And there is no need to spend any of that extra time with the fruit of your loins.

The most important things to remember are to not have sex with another woman, go easy on the sake and the Sapporo, watch your spending habits and take a few more breaks from building up your World of Warcraft Orc Lord and helping Max Payne clear his name and "once and for all, rid himself of the demons that have tortured him for far too long." Do that and you will have a long and happy... well, at least a long marriage, unlike the "brides" being fooled on this reality porn site, Euro Bride Tryouts.

So, I know that I can sometimes be a little sarcastic and bitter in these posts, but today I wanted to end with this great live lip-dub marriage proposal video that will warm even the most hardened of hearts. Just try to watch this and not smile (or even shed a tear). It will make you believe in love again and I have no doubt that these two will have a really happy and wonderful year or two before the divorce.

Posted by A.K. Anderson at May 30, 2012 1:01 AM

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