In The Court Of Law...

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November 2, 2005

Apparently no excuse is too big

I have heard some very interesting and sometimes disturbing verdicts handed out by judges over the years and I think that we can all agree that there are some pretty damn fascinating defence arguments floating around in history. However, I think I may have just come across the most bizarre defence excuse yet. Of course, this is not to make fun of the very serious crime that the accused has been charged with, which is sexual assault.

It is not clear to me whether the alleged victim is pregnant due to the assault, but obviously she is pregnant so a DNA sample can't be taken unless she aborts or bears the offspring. In the meantime, the accuseds lawyer is arguing that it could not have been him because "his penis is too big".

At first glance, I thought, well, 8 and 1/2 inches is larger than the norm, but hardly too big a cock in the context of penises. However, I do a double take when I read that he has a 6 and ½ inch girth. HOLY SHIT! Ok, well, now I see where the defence is going. On the one hand, they could argue that such a size, which is much larger than a can of coke, would indeed create vaginal tears if the victim were not lubricated. On the other hand, I could see the argument that if she was wet, then she must have been turned on.

Sexual assault cases are tricky courtroom dances indeed, but what an excuse for why it could not have been the accused. On thing is for certain, the publicity surrounding the size of his dick will do wonders for his sex life in or out of jail. I have no doubt that whatever the eventual verdict, he will be hounded by the porn police who are constantly scouting for that next big thing!

Posted by sloth at November 2, 2005 1:24 AM

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