How To Pop Your Own Cherry

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April 18, 2011

Pop Your Own Cherry

Today marks the first time I've ever written a "How To" blog posting here on Rabbits Reviews, so I find it deliciously appropriate that the topic is about instructing you on the best way to pop your own cherry. You know, since we're basically popping our "How To" cherries here. But just to be clear, My Precious Virgins, we're going to be talking about the original meaning of the term: the breaking of a woman's hymen.

Step 1: Take it off! I know pornos make it look hot by tugging undies to the side and romance movies make it seem passionate to rip clothes open, but if you're going to pop your own cherry, then you want to feel comfy and not have to worry about constantly adjusting and readjusting any articles of clothing. When in doubt, be in the buff to best poke your muff!

Step 2: Keep your assorted bottles of lube nearby. It's important to be well lubricated when you're about to pop your Cherry Spot. I recommend Margaritas, Tequila and Jello shooters, in whatever order you prefer. Once you've downed them all, I guarantee you won't feel a single ounce of pain while doing the self-diddling deed. You may pass out afterward, but that happens to many people after popping their cherries. I've also been informed that over-the-counter vaginal lubes are helpful between the legs, too.

Step 3: Know which Fucking Machines are right for you. Sybians may not be your best friend the first time around. Those things can really go to town on a babe's honey pot, be it a teen pussy or a mature muff. I recommend keeping things simple, like jumping off a bicycle seat and onto its support bar. I'm (mostly) just kidding! A small or medium-sized dildo should be your best bet. Though to be honest, I'm not sure how you would attach the dildo to the bike. But once you figure it out, go right on ahead and stick it up your spoke! You cherry doesn't literally make any popping sounds as it gets broken, though, so if you hear one, it might be time to invest in better sex toys.

Step 4: Do a victory lap. By this point, your freshness seal has been broken. Now it's time to celebrate! Try not to go overboard, though, because your belly is already filled with assorted alcohols. I recommend doing a quick touchdown dance and then high-fiving your reflection before taking a well-earned nap.

So congratulations, ladies! If all worked well, you should be walking funny for the rest of the day, because you have now officially lost your virginity. If all didn't go as planned, remember that I'm not legally responsible!

Posted by Adam Strong at April 18, 2011 1:01 AM

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