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House of Sin Next to Strip Club, or Place of Worship Opens Up Next to Convent

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March 29, 2012

Sexy, Sexy Nun
Images courtesy of Love-To-Love-You.Tumblr.com .

If we were making a list of the Top 10 things that the Catholic Religion Doesn't Approve Of, at the top would be other religious beliefs. Then you have the homosexuals and of course we can't forget about the women who want to be in control of their own bodies. And judging by the recent Stone Park, Illinois, protests, also on that list would be boobies!

Last week in Stone Park, the nuns of the Missionary Sisters of St. Charles Borromeo Scalabrinians and about 500 members of the community held a candlelight vigil and prayer to protest the April 1, 2012, opening of a strip club built directly adjacent to the convent.

The articles I read about this story were your standard fair. People complaining about how this was terrible for the families and children, and one sister is quoted as saying, "Having this strip club in our backyard goes against everything we stand for as religious women and it tears at the fabric of our whole community."

This is everything you would expect to hear and near the end of one of the articles was this: Dayana Moreno, a 13-year-old resident of the town, agreed that the town's sixth adult establishment would bring "shame to our community." To quote 30 Rock's Liz Lemon: "What the what?" You're telling me there are already five other adult establishments?

This brought up two important questions in my mind. The first is why is this sixth one going to destroy the essence and spirit of the community if the other five haven't? Why is this strip club the one that is going to break the cameltoe's back?

Before we get to my second question let's watch a video of a girl racing a camel:

My second question is how many adult entertainment establishments does one village need? Is five a lot? This required some research.

Portland, Oregon, has long held claim to the most strip clubs per capita and back in 2005 that number was 7.4 strip clubs per 100,000 residents. Then in 2006, Springfield, Oregon, with its five clubs and 55,000 residents became the new leader with the numbers expanding out to 9.3/100,000. But they weren't going to rest on their laurels and by 2009 they had seven clubs, 58,000 residents and a ratio of 12/100,000.

Now, if we go back to Stone Park we know that at the moment they have a total of five adult establishments. If we look at the 2000 census we can see that the city's population at the time was 5,127 residents. I'll go ahead and double it to 10,000 and assume there's been some crazy population growth over the last decade (with all those horny men coming home from the strip clubs). So based on those numbers we get a ratio of 50/100,000! Hey, Portland and Springfield, to quote Will Hunting, "How do you like them apples?"

For those of you who don't live in Stone Park and can't get a to a strip club, you can check out Golden Strippers from the comfort of your living room, office or wherever you keep the computer.

Posted by A.K. Anderson at March 29, 2012 6:30 AM

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