Horny and Hungry

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March 2, 2012

Horny and Hungry
Image courtesy of IinfoTechGarage.com .

Today's stories are about sex and food. Add television to that and you have my idea of a perfect weekend - or what I like to call the Costanza Trifecta. ("Seinfeld" fans know what I'm talking about.) As I write this it is almost lunchtime and I am very hungry. But being male, I do think about sex every seven seconds, so I guess we will begin with the...

Horny: The 120 Mile-per-hour Club

I bet you didn't know that pornstar Alex Torres is also a skydiving instructor. Well, he was desperate to get on the "Howard Stern Show," so I guess it only made sense that in order to impress and get the attention of Mr. Stern, Mr. Torres decided it would be a good idea to combine his two talents and make a movie of himself fucking while skydiving.

And that is what he did - kinda. He got Hope Howell, the hot secretary who works at the skydiving school, to join him and up they went one morning and made the movie. This sounded really cool, but after watching the video, it was actually pretty lame!

First off, all the filming - even when they are fucking in the plane - is shot above the waist. At no point do we see any penetration of any kind. And let's get real here, folks. Falling through the sky at those speeds, it probably isn't going to be easy to keep the hotdog in the bun, if you know what I mean. And not once do you see Alex even pretending to try to reach down and re-enter the chamber, so to speak.

What we do see in an overhead shot is Torres looking ridiculous while moving his hips. It looks more like he is practicing his breakdancing caterpillar move on top of her. And then there are lots of exaggerated faces and noises, especially from the very cute, but obviously faking it, Howell. Basically, it is just a naked tandem skydive. Blah, blah, blah!

For those of you saying, "Didn't this happen months ago?" the answer is yes. But I just came across the video today and since I just found it I am going to assume that there are others out there who missed this when it happened as well.

For those of you unfamiliar with the caterpillar move, here is a funny video of some dude caterpillaring through the streets of London:

Hungry: America's Diner is Always Open, Within Reason

Let us file this one under the heading: "There are easier ways to get a free meal, but they aren't as awesome."

Wisconsin man James Summers was hungry and wanted to make himself something to eat, but he didn't have any food or money. But James is a go-getter. He goes and gets what he wants.

While not having any food or money might be a big hurdle for most people to overcome, for James it was but a bump in the road. Because what James did have were a suit, a tie, a trench coat and a briefcase. Did he cook the clothes and eat them? Nope!

He put them on, grabbed his briefcase and walked into his local Denny's restaurant. He then proceeded to walk into the manager's office and tell her that he was the new general manager. He then went and fixed himself a burger, fries and a soda. My other favorite part of the story is that while police officers were taking him away, he yelled out to diners, "This is why you don't dine and dash, kiddies!"

He was charged with two misdemeanors: disorderly conduct and possession of drug paraphernalia (they found crack pipes in his briefcase); as well as a felony charge for possession of an electronic weapon (he had a stun gun in a hip holster). If only he had left the stun gun and crack pipes at home it looks like it would have been a simple disorderly conduct charge. So an important lesson to take away from his story is to always take the meal to go!

Speaking of sex and "to go," here are a few of the best mobile porn sites out there: Brazzers Mobile, Pink Visual Pad and Bangbros Network Mobile.

Posted by A.K. Anderson at March 2, 2012 1:01 AM

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