Porn ReviewsSpecialsAdult PersonalsPorn TrialsPorn BlogSearchBookmark

From Sushi Cologne to Krypton

« Nothing Beats A Pair Of Mature Big Tits |Main| Cram In Some Time with Sexy Cam Girls »

November 8, 2012

Just-In Beaver
Image courtesy of Inquisitr.com.

I assume that many of you are glad that the U.S. presidential election is finally over, although there's still plenty of press coverage regarding the results. Maybe you're a bit tired of hearing about it, so in an effort to give you something to think about besides politics I thought it was time for another multiple-story barrage that I like to do sometimes. So let's get to it, shall we?

Heading out on a hot date, have you ever wished that you had a California roll or a piece of sashimi lying around so that you could rub it on your neck? Well, you could do that or you could just get the Sushi cologne from Demeter Fragrance Library.

Now, before you get too excited, I should tell you that the fragrance doesn't actually smell like fish, but instead combines "the fresh scent of just cooked sticky rice and straight from the seaside seaweed, laced with hints of ginger and lemon essences." (Am I the only one who wants to see Brad Pitt do a pretentious black-and-white monologue commercial for this cologne?)

Speaking of delicious foods, who doesn't like pizza? No, this isn't about a pizza-scented cologne (although that would make more sense to me than the Sushi one), but instead about an angry pizza-delivery guy who didn't get a tip and showed his displeasure by pissing on the woman's door. Unfortunately for him it was all caught on tape.

Have you always wanted to have sex with a blow-up doll made to look like Justin Bieber? Well, for anywhere from $20 to $138 on Amazon you can order yourself the Just-in Beaver sex doll and do whatever you want to it and with it. If you are a recently fired pizza-delivery guy you can even take out your frustrations and piss all over it.

Given that he is now unemployed, that pizza-delivery guy probably can't afford the $138 version of the Just-in Beaver sex doll and most definitely can't justify spending $190 for a bottle of beer. But if you are doing a little better financially, maybe you would want to drop just under $200 for a bottle of Sam Adams's Utopias.

Made from the finest ingredients and aged using a variety of wood barrels from such far-flung places as Nicaragua and Kentucky, Utopias has 29% alcohol content and comes in a commemorative black decanter. Personally, for that kind of money it better make all the ugly chicks around me look really, really, really good! I mean, I can get them just "doable" with a six-pack of Bud and put the other $180 toward a couple of Just-in Beaver dolls.

Besides probably not being able to afford a $190 bottle of beer, that pizza-delivery guy isn't going to be able to spend money on spray tans either. Well, unfortunately for him he lives in Des Moines, Iowa, and not Aberdare, Wales, where the local job center is sending people who they believe are serious about finding work to the town's Well-being and Training Academy for free spray tans.

This makes total sense to me. I mean, I am pretty sure I never would have gotten this job had I not showed up for the interview with my skin tinted a nice orange hue. For me, it just so happened that I had been on an all-carrot diet for the previous two weeks, but sometimes it's better to be lucky than good, right?

Hey geeks! They found Krypton! Yup, you heard me. Krypton isn't just a made-up planet anymore. In Superman #14 "Star Light, Star Bright," which comes out today, the Man of Steel, with the help of real scientist Neil deGrasse Tyson, sets out on a quest to find his home planet. The planet orbits the red dwarf star LHS 2520 and for those of you who want to see the real LHS 2520, here are the coordinates:
Right Ascension: 12 hours, 10 minutes, 5.77 seconds/Declination: -15 degrees, 4 minutes, 17.9 seconds/Proper Motion: 0.76 arc seconds per year, along 172.94 degrees from due north.

If that sushi talk got you in the mood for something Japanese, might I recommend Idols 69? And for those of you looking for more superheroes, how about Porn Heros?

Posted by A.K. Anderson at November 8, 2012 1:01 AM

Email

Comments

Post a comment




Remember Me?