Expensive Rocks Uncovered Under Cock

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August 2, 2006

Family Jewels Fuel Arrest.jpg

There are so many words in the English language to describe male genitals. Some are phonetically vulgar sounding such as 'cock' despite having seemingly innocent origins. Others are funny or even silly to hear such as 'willy'. Then of course we have more euphemistic terms, such as 'manhood' or 'his sex' but perhaps, both humorous and vague is the term, 'family jewels' that in tandem evokes the reproductive properties of the organs and the pride many men take in having them.

Who knew that a goofy name for one's nut sacs could eventually inspire true crime? However, Reuters reports (08/01/06) that a man has been caught in a remote area of Brazil known as the Amazon State of Rondonia with an expected treasure down his pants. Although maybe his natural endowments would be as priceless to him, the stolen booty in his underpants promised to fetch considerably more lucre on the open market than any guy's pop rocks would.

Perhaps, Satan made him do it. The dude was stopped a routine roadblock and police found he was overly anxious. When they noticed jewelers equipment used to verify the quality of gems, they decided to do a search and discovered 666 raw diamonds stuffed down his underwear. The stolen loot was apparently smuggled out of an Indian Reservation belonging to the Cinta Larga tribe of Rondonia.

The thief in smuggler's brief might have sold the sparkling fruits of his crime for $200,000. Such crimes often cause deadly conflicts between indigenous peoples, not to mention uncomfortable chafing for the criminal putting diamonds in the rough beside his stones that aren't so tough.

Posted by Will Peters at August 2, 2006 9:57 AM

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Posted by: marg at August 9, 2006 11:29 AM

The only reason all of these silly names exist in the first place, is people seem embarrassed to say the word, 'penis'. Why? That's what it is. It's not a rooster (cock), a willie (redneck william), a dork (thought that was an insult to low intelligence), a dong (dong?), a shaft (my penis is not a mine shaft, or used to operate machinery, and the only thing I've stolen with it is virginity... not a material object), Jimmy is related to willie, and schlong is a cousin of dong's, dick and his little brother prick know not the man-stick, I have a piece (of pizza, but not between my legs), it may be a tool of sorts, but just calling it a tool makes you a tool, the weiner, hotdog, beef injection, tube snake, tube steak, man-meat, hose, etc., etc. These may sound fun, but only if your less than 18 should you continue saying them. You are a chode if you call it a chode (two different meanings).
These 'naughty' words. What makes them naughty? You have to be pretty lame to have to use them to turn a girl on, or impress your friends.
Now, I'm going to get me a slice of pie.

Posted by: Whoda at May 27, 2008 2:26 PM

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