David S. Goyer Says She-Hulk Is A "Giant Green Pornstar."

« A Hottie With A Body To Die For |Main| She's Just Turned 18 And Ready To Fuck! »

May 28, 2014

David S. Goyer Says She-Hulk Is A Giant Green Pornstar.
Image courtesy of Vivid.

David S. Goyer, who has recently been a major power player for DC Comics on properties like the upcoming Batman v. Superman: Dawn Of Justice film and the Constantine television series, recently appeared on a screenwriter's podcast making comments that didn't sit too well with Marvel Comics fans. He claimed that "the Hulk was this classic male fantasy" appealing to geeky readers who were bullied. He went on to claim that She-Hulk was then an extension of that same power fantasy simply so the Hulk would have someone to get it on with. "So it's like if I'm going to be this geek who becomes the Hulk," he elaborated, "then let's create a giant green pornstar that only Hulk could fuck." Maybe he thinks this way because he saw that She-Hulk porn parody from Vivid starring Chyna or just watches too many HustlerParodies in general.

Either way, I'm going to have to point out some mistakes in his claims. For starters, She-Hulk is actually the Hulk's cousin. So ew. I like my DirtyMuscle sex as much as the next guy, but as (way too many for my comfort) Supernatural fan fiction writers will let you know, "Wincest Is The Best 'cest" and all other instances of kissing cousins is just five kinds of nasty. Also, she wasn't created as an extension of the male power fantasy, but rather as a means of bogarting any future trademarks, copyrights and other legal mumbo jumbo monies. You see, the Hulk's TV show was really popular back in the day. So was the Six Million Dollar Man's series. However, the latter got a spinoff starring a certain Bionic Woman (not to be confused with chicks who like FuckingRobots). Having been created strictly for TV by the television folks, they didn't owe any royalties or residuals on money earned through the spinoff. Marvel created She-Hulk to make sure something similar didn't happen with the Hulk's TV series - or rather, without them being paid for it first. (Cue network execs walking away while the closing credits play its sad tune here.)

So if you'll allow me to paraphrase everyone's favorite giant green metaphor for literature's Mister Hyde: Adam smash puny Goyer! This kind of thing is two parts oversimplifying, two parts sexist and one part "I swear to God he's just trying to piss me off!" In all fairness, I'm sure She-Hulk actually is one of the OnlineSuperheroes who makes men's erections accidentally shred through pants more often than the Hulk's muscles shred through T-shirts. She's hot, wears a one-piece bathing suit as a costume and has the shade of green skin that makes Captain Kirk fuck members of an alien species, so who wouldn't want to bombard her with a gamma explosion from their crotch? But that said, it calls into question David S. Goyer's ability to write, direct and produce superhero properties faithfully. If you think so little of the character, how can you possibly make her endearing enough to the audience so that we'd be willing to throw all of our monies at her instead of spending it on porn sites? With Goyer being heavily involved with the upcoming film for Wonder Woman, who is often compared to She-Hulk as a strong female character, I worry that his opinions will lead to another poorly made movie adaptation of a comic book. I'm hoping he's just messing with Marvel fans in order to trick them into checking out DC Comics movies instead, but if not, then I'm going to Hulk out all over him.

Posted by Adam Strong at May 28, 2014 1:01 AM

Email

Comments

Post a comment




Remember Me?