Coldplay Fan Equals No Sex on a First Date

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November 22, 2011

Coldplay Fan Equals No Sex On A First Date
Image courtesy of blog.tastebuds.fm.

If you were to talk to a Nirvana fan about their first date from the night before and ask them, "Where Did You Sleep Last Night?" they would be more likely to say that they spent the night with their date than a Coldplay fan would.


I'm not sure what a Coldplay fan's Twisted Logic is about sex on a first date. Maybe they are just Yellow? However, a few months back, dating/music site Tastebuds.fm did a survey and discovered that Coldplay fans were the most likely to not have first-date sex, whereas Nirvana fans were least likely to Stay Away from first-date fucking.

But what if you want first-date sex and can't find any Nirvana fans to go out with (maybe they are all at a Swap Meet or something)? You don't care where you go for dinner or what movie you see. Nothing Else Matters besides the end-of-date bang. Well, you don't need to be Prince Charming and your date doesn't have to be the One. Just find yourself a Metallica fan, since they came in a close second in the survey.

Speaking of first dates, enjoy this very funny commercial:

If during your search for Metallica fans to ask out, you run into fans of Adele - don't bother. Rumor Has It that these fans are almost as bad as Coldplay fans when it comes to putting out on a first date. They might be Crazy For You, but when it comes to getting in their pants quickly, Adele fans will be giving you the Cold Shoulder.

Now, Linkin Park lovers, that's a different story. These fans will be Waiting For The End of the date so that they can invite you upstairs for a "coffee." Just when you thought the date wasn't going great and you had Given Up on getting some, these Linkin Park fans will have no qualms about being Forward and letting you In Between their sheets.

Now, you might find yourself walking by a stadium as a Lady Gaga or Katy Perry concert is letting out. "Yes!" you think to yourself. "I'm gonna ask one of these fans out and for sure I'm gonna get lucky on our first date." Well, don't get your hopes up. Because whether his name is Alejandro or she is a California Gurl, you ain't gonna be Waking up in Vegas with them.

However, should you be passing by as a Kanye West concert is ending, I have Two Words for you: stick around. Sure, there might be a few Gold Diggers in the crowd, but there will also be plenty of Drunk And Hot Girls and you will definitely feel like a Champion when you get them in the sack on date one. And it won't be that difficult either. You won't even have to Get Em High.

So, basically, if you had a first date with a Coldplay fan the other day and thought it was going really well and that there were some Sparks, but then you were confused when they didn't ask you in at the end of the date, Don't Panic! Everything's Not Lost. You didn't miss your chance like Charlie Brown with the football. Just send them A Message and ask for a second date and I'm sure that if there really was a connection, after date two you'll be shagging from now 'Til Kingdom Come.

And if you can't wait till that second date and really need to get some, Start Sifting through the people you know, find a Nirvana or Metallica fan and ask them out. Invite them over, tell them to Come As You Are and when they get there, Hit The Lights and you will get Whiplash with how fast the two of you are doing the Love Buzz.

Then you will be a little more relaxed for your second date with the Coldplay fan and won't be all sexually frustrated and looking at the Clocks waiting for the end of the night so you can try and fuck 'em. You don't want to move at High Speed, ruin things and have to start back at Square One!

Posted by A.K. Anderson at November 22, 2011 1:01 AM

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