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Bedtime Stories: A 6.5 Million Dollar Ass and a 101 MPH Couch

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October 7, 2011

A 6.5 Million Dollar Ass
Image courtesy of WeInterrupt.com.

If I were to tell you that a female bed tester had insured her ass for 4 million pounds, wouldn't you have images of her putting the beds to the test by having an ass-slapping-and-fucking good time on them? Okay, that look of incredulity you are giving me (through your screen) is the same one my coworker gave me when I made that same comment after he told me about this story.

When I tell people I review porn sites for a living the response is generally something like, "That's an actual job?" Well, if Natalie Thomas and I have anything in common it is probably that she hears the same thing when she tells people what her job is. Actually, forget bed tester. Her official job title is (no joke) Director of Bed Bouncing. I mean, come on, how awesome is that? (I bet half of you are now making your own sex-on-the-test-bed jokes, aren't ya?)

Thomas works for the Premier Inn hotel chain in the UK and her and her team test an average of 177 beds per day, taking up to 20 minutes with each one. They check for bumps, lumps, rips, tears and stains. I don't think you need a sensitive butt to check for stains. What you need for that is a black light and a strong stomach.

Her finely honed ass is so important to her work that she makes sure to take special care of it. She moisturizes daily and wears soft pants. Oh yeah, and like I mentioned before, she has insured her tool of the trade for 6.5 million dollars! I don't know if Natalie has a husband or a boyfriend, but I am going to take a wild guess and say that no matter whom she sleeps with, there is NO SPANKING ALLOWED!

Natalie Thomas is a bed tester. But where do people, usually guys, sleep when they have a fight with their partner? Yup, the couch. And speaking of couches (how do you like that segue?) did you hear about the guy who set a Guinness World Record for the fastest sofa? Well, I don't need to tell you about it. Just watch it for yourself.

Although Ms. Thomas probably has a hands-off-my-ass rule, here are some sites with women who would probably make terrible bed testers given the spankings their bottoms endure: Bad Tushy, Spank My Bottom and Her First Punishment.

Posted by A.K. Anderson at October 7, 2011 6:30 AM

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