A Sex Study That Will Make Some Men Very Happy

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August 9, 2012

Morning Sickness Sperm Cure
Image courtesy of Mommypotamus.com.

Okay, guys, what I have for you today is some important information that will no doubt give some of you great power in your sexual relationships. But remember that with great power comes great responsibility, so use this information wisely.

When I bring up the subject of blowjobs to most married men the response from them is usually laughter, followed by the question, "What are blowjobs?" It seems that oral sex is the Holy Grail of a long-term relationship and, if any of you saw the third "Indiana Jones" movie, you know how hard it was for Indy to get his hands on it - and remember that once he got it he ended up losing it soon after.

For generations men have been trying to come up with ways to get more oral sex. In my lifetime the big one has been, "Sperm has lots of protein in it." I actually don't even know if that is true, but I think all us guys know that that one doesn't really work these days, if it ever did.

And over the last few years women have been countering that argument with, "Sperm is high in calories." (And we all know that when it comes to weight, that is an argument us guys are never going to win, nor is it an argument we want to have.)

Well, today I have for you an argument in which weight is not an issue because the chick is already fat when you make it. It goes like this: "Swallowing semen is a cure for morning sickness." (You may have noticed that I have also given you guys an argument for swallowing versus spitting. You're welcome!)

Now, if your penis was a banana then you wouldn't need any argument to get these girls to deep-throat you (and get their daily potassium intake):

But before you run out into the streets and start telling preggo ladies to get on their knees so you can cure their morning sickness, I do have one unfortunate thing to point out. The sperm has to belong to the father of the child in the lady's belly. This eliminates all us single guys and 90% of the dudes who have appeared on "The Maury Povich Show" paternity-test episodes.

To follow up on that point, the study also found that one of the major components of morning sickness is the exposure to foreign sperm, which I take to mean that if your woman is getting lots of morning sickness, she is either swallowing someone else's sperm or maybe you ain't the father. Although it could just be because she's pregnant.

I know this information is only helpful to men in a sexual relationship with a pregnant woman who is pregnant with their child. But at least that's something and it is now a percentage of the male population I can take off my "help them get more head" list.

As for myself and the rest of you guys out there, just know that I'm working on it and I won't rest until every sexually active male on this planet has a strong argument in his back pocket for getting more blowjobs.

For those guys out there who still can't convince their lady to suck them, here are some sites you can check out where the girls never say no to giving head: The Art of Blowjob, Lipstick BJ and 1000 Facials.

Posted by A.K. Anderson at August 9, 2012 1:01 AM

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