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A Red Dress and Bouncing Breasts

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March 9, 2012

A Red Dress and Bouncing Breasts
Image courtesy of GreatGlam.com.

Fashion gurus tell women that the one must-have piece of clothing is a little black dress. That's all well and good, but get-you-laid gurus would tell the ladies to always have a little red dress in their closets. And by get-you-laid gurus, I mean researchers at the University of Rochester in New York.

In a recent study they conducted, men were asked to rate how attractive they thought a woman was and on a scale of 1 to 9, how interested she was in sex. Their results were two-fold.

The first fold discovered that men perceived women in red as more sexually receptive. And the second fold discovered that - hold on to your hats, folks - men perceive sexually receptive women as more attractive. Really? Men are attracted to horny chicks? That might be the greatest example ever of "We didn't need a study to figure that one out!"

All this would help explain why Chris de Burgh was so obsessed with that lady. Remember what he said?

I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight,
I've never seen you shine so bright,
I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance,
They're looking for a little romance, given half a chance,
And I have never seen that dress you're wearing,
Or the highlights in your hair that catch your eyes,
I have been blind.

He has seen this chick before, but been blind to her. And it isn't until she puts on that red dress - a dress he has never seen her in before - that he realizes how hot she is (because of how sexually receptive he now perceives her to be). And he isn't the only guy that sees her in this new light.

The lady in red is dancing with me, cheek to cheek,
There's nobody here, it's just you and me,
It's where I want to be,
But I hardly know this beauty by my side,
I'll never forget the way you look tonight.

Where he really wants to be is back at his apartment with the lady bent over his bed with her red dressed hiked up above her ass. But if it takes doing the slow-dance thing for a while to get there, he is willing to put in the time.

I've never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight,
I've never seen you shine so bright, you were amazing,
I've never seen so many people want to be there by your side,
And when you turned to me and smiled, it took my breath away,
And I have never had such a feeling,
Such a feeling of complete and utter love, as I do tonight.

More talk about how hot she is and that "feeling of complete and utter love" (in his pants). But at that point, with all the dancing and her not making a move, he might start to wonder if he misread things. Is she really as horny, and therefore as hot, as he thought when he first laid eyes on her in that dress?

But then, when everyone else wants to get with her, she turns to him and smiles, which, when done wearing the red dress, obviously means that she definitely wants to fuck.

The lady in red is dancing with me, cheek to cheek,
There's nobody here, it's just you and me,
It's where I want to be,
But I hardly know this beauty by my side,
I'll never forget the way you look tonight.

Which is what keeps him going when he is faced with even more dancing and no "let's go back to your place." And until he gets her back there and has added his sticky, white touches to her beautiful red dress, he will never forget the way she looks tonight.

I never will forget the way you look tonight.
The lady in red, the lady in red,
The lady in red, my lady in red,

Although we know that after their big chess match, the Lord and the Devil are still playing, we might never know what happened with the red-dress lady. But regardless of whether Mr. de Burgh saw any bouncing breasts that night, perceptive people watching a live news broadcast on Scotland's STV about a month and a half ago sure saw some. Check out the upper left-hand corner of this video.

Posted by A.K. Anderson at March 9, 2012 1:01 AM

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