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September 30, 2005

Will that be meat or potatoes with your porn?

There's porn for everyone, even vegetarians.

You can imagine my amazement when I stumbled across a site regarding porn geared to vegetarians. Well, I should hardly be surprised by any kind of porn, and yet couldn't help but laugh. My first thought was whether or not it meant no men. My immediate second thought was more along the lines of cucumbers sliding in and out of pussy juice machines. After all, what is porn for the vegetarian?

It wasn't a porn site, although it did contain an element of pornography in the editorial section, and it was here that I found one interesting complaint about the use of words.

Continue reading Will that be meat or potatoes with your porn?

Posted by sloth at 6:50 PM| Comments (1)

September 29, 2005

Melissa Midwest Exclusive Interview

Recently we had a chance to catch up with the beautiful star of the amateur website Melissa Midwest. For anyone who doesn’t already know twenty-two year old Melissa she’s an all-natural blonde hottie who owns her own website where she interacts with members through live webcam chats, email, photos, videos and her own forum message board. She’s also been featured in well-known magazines like FHM and Hustler. Her notoriety was further enhanced when she was arrested back in December 2003 for breaking her hometown of Lincoln, Nebraska’s ordinance against public nudity by posting nude photos taken in a local bar. That story made CNN, USA Today and was mentioned by Jay Leno on the Tonight Show. In other words if you still don’t know who this babe is, then you’ve been living under a rock! At any rate, now you have the chance to get to know her better.

Question: How did you get your start in adult entertainment?
Melissa: Well I started off going on a trip to Mexico! Where I was staying, had a nude beach and well I had always thought it would be fun and naughty to walk around in front of people naked so I did it. I had a friend take some pictures of me on my digital camera so I could remember the experience. I showed some friends when I got back home and they couldn't believe how good they looked. I have to be honest I thought they did too. After some going back and forth with my friends I decided to send them in to some different magazines (Playboy, Penthouse, Gallery, FHM, Maxim) and people started calling. I couldn't believe it I shot FHM Magazine and Gallery Magazine within 30 days of each other. I was named Girl Next Door of the Year with Gallery for 2004 and the rest is history I started my web site and now I have been in over 20 magazines and a few TV shows and loving life.

Analysis: I wish I had hot friends who asked my opinion of their nude photos. I find it hard to believe “they couldn’t believe how good they looked,” I think if Melissa was my friend, I would have previously guessed she was photogenic.

Continue reading Melissa Midwest Exclusive Interview

Posted by rabbit at 8:30 PM| Comments (5)

September 28, 2005

Beautiful Wife Brings Painful Life

The Internet has provided me hours of pleasure and now employment with its plethoric porn. It also let’s me laugh at unlucky events in the everyday lives of everyday people. Such is the case of an ill-fated Romanian farmer Gheorghe Popa from Galati according to an article on Ananova.com. Apparently, this 52-year-old man recently married a beautiful 25-year-old bride named Loredana. His newlywed missus was hanging laundry to dry outside when her adoring hubby happened to meander by with a heavy sack of grain. Long story short, so mesmerized by her beauty was he, his hefty load ended up accidentally...

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Posted by Will Peters at 10:45 PM| Comments (0)

September 27, 2005

HD videos in softcore porn

mcnudes

I want to present another great site we reviewed recently. It also features HD movies… I really love this trend! MCNudes is a softcore photography site.

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Posted by rabbit at 2:50 PM| Comments (2)

September 26, 2005

Chinese Tribute To Clinton's Years In Oral Office

I have often thought what would be a fitting tribute to my time on this earth. Actually, I’ve wanted the tribute to happen now while I was young and could bask in its glory. I used to joke to my boss at my last job that the company should name the office cafeteria after me, although I did suggest there would need to be some major improvements before the room could be privileged enough to bear my name…like a fresh salad bar and espresso machine with its own full-time barista, but I digress. Normally, having things named after oneself denotes...

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Posted by Will Peters at 3:29 PM| Comments (0)

September 23, 2005

Full Frontal Nudity

Why a cock is such a big deal?

As happens on weekends, I was stuck in a long line at the supermarket. After staring endlessly at the wall of Campbell's soup cans, and practically counting every flavour - I hadn't realized there were so many - I decided to cast my eyes upon the tabloids. One photo, well several since a person can't seem to get away from news about this particular couple, reminded me of something.

"I heard Brad Pitt is going to do a full-frontal."

"He's doing a film in Canada," my boyfriend skirted the issue at first.

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Posted by sloth at 4:33 PM| Comments (1)

September 21, 2005

The Right To Bear Arms But Not Breasts

I was reading in an Associated Press story about four women arrested in the Town of Moravia in New York State, USA for going topless on a downtown street. Apparently they could spend 15 days in jail and/or be fined $250 after being charged with “exposure.” There is some sort of precedent where a similar charge back in 1992 was thrown out of a city court, then reinstated after a county court overturned the city court’s decision but was permanently dismissed when the New York Court of Appeals upheld the city court’s original decision. Strangely enough, the state police and...

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Posted by Will Peters at 8:51 PM| Comments (0)

September 20, 2005

Reviewing Porn

The good and the bad and the ugly about writing porn reviews.

Many people probably think that a porn reviewer has the luckiest job in the world. After all, you have access to tons of porn in just about every niche that exists! When I tell people what I do for a living, I get a mixed reaction, but most people seem envious. However, they don't know the half of it!

There is actually a lot of crap on the web. Certainly, there are more shitty websites out there than I had ever imagined, but then according to Google, there are about 14, 400, 000 porn sites available, so it's to be expected.

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Posted by sloth at 7:10 PM| Comments (5)

September 19, 2005

HD Porn Trend

Nothing pleases me more on a porn site than crystal-clear videos. In the last year or so, most sites have considerably increased the level of bitrate encoding (kbps) for their videos. I'm not surprised anymore when a site has 2MBs or even 4MBs (DVD quality) movies. However, there's a superior technology on the horizon that is already shifting quality standards, and that is HD (High Definition) video. So far I've come across several porn sites that use it and I would like to take the opportunity to highlight some of them, starting with BrookeSkye.

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Posted by rabbit at 6:36 PM| Comments (7)

September 16, 2005

Porn, Sex and Love

I review porn for a living so you’d think by now I’d understand the difference between sex and love. I guess once my cock is inside someone a few times, it’s always hard for me not to grow attached… the question then becomes, am I attached to the person or to the sex? I really don’t know sometimes. I am always into very passionate action whether I’m “making love” or just fucking. I don’t limit my contact in any way when doing it with someone, however casually. I’ve never respected the no kissing rule, for example. I mean a...

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Posted by Will Peters at 4:30 PM| Comments (1)

September 15, 2005

Wacky Sex Laws

Being a porn reviewer and writer, I often come across some really odd stuff, and I'm not talking about the pizza guy delivering much more than just the extra sausage nor am I talking pygmy hardcore. The really weird sex stuff seems to lie at the heart of our own culture, particularly in our laws.

Some laws are so damn ridiculous that you have to wonder if they were made while lawmakers were on some wicked mescaline trip, or at the very least while they were all completely drunk.

For example, it is said that in Washington, D.C. it is illegal to have sex in any position other than missionary. That would be news to just about every politician, particularly former President Clinton. I'm surprised the whole city isn't under house arrest!

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Posted by sloth at 2:51 PM| Comments (2)

September 13, 2005

Groundhog versus Grassroot Conservatives

The Groundhog has personally fallen victim to the latest anti-pornography law to be enforced. I wondered how it might affect my work life but I never thought of how it might impact my private forays onto the web. Then I received a message from one of the online adult dating sites to which I am a member. It explained that my photos had to be removed because they were too risqué and the company had no way of verifying my age for their official records. I should be pleased if anyone could doubt that this old varmint is younger than...

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Posted by Will Peters at 8:02 PM| Comments (0)

Porn and History

I picked up a book at the library to do a bit of research, and came across an essay about porn in the 1980's. Basically, it was all about how the industry flourished in that decade, and it was more economic and historical in nature, so I won't bother you with that. However, what caught my eye was a dildo manufacturer who had made dildos in his basement, and ultimately created a million dollar empire. Just seeing this little blurb reminded me of a woman I had met a few years ago. She worked in a medical museum, and at a very posh and conservative conference during dinner, she began to tell everyone at the table about the history of medical dildos, and the contraptions she had seen. All of us were howling with laughter, much to the chagrin of our employers. I no longer remember what was so hilarious, but it's completely fascinating how far dildos have come since their early beginnings.

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Posted by sloth at 3:07 PM| Comments (0)

September 12, 2005

Porn For World Peace

Imagine porn for world peace and a better tomorrow. Yes, since I make a living as a professional critic one might assume that I am a cynical bastard. Nevertheless, although I've never been accused of being overly optimistic in life, I have often been accused of been an idealist and seeing the best in people. Surprisingly this last part is often seen as a fault rather than a quality, but as an idealist one readily accepts that being a better person doesn't win you any awards, it a question of personal principle and merit. How can I wax so philosophically...

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Posted by Will Peters at 5:00 PM| Comments (0)

September 9, 2005

Aging Porn Actresses

The other day, I had a thought that Hollywood and the porn industry aren't so unrelated when it comes to how they treat aging actresses. I had been thinking about this a lot over the weekend. My particular questions were threefold, but mostly I wondered about what makes a porn star a porn star, and what happens to women when their light begins to fade? It's easy to figure out why guys are stars in adult entertainment; they either take a mega cum shot like Peter North, can perform autofellatio like the 'Clown Prince of Porn' Ron Jeremy, or have...

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Posted by Mistress Crow at 7:00 PM| Comments (2)